


you‘re beautiful

by softdado



Category: youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst, M/M, Scar, angst with good ending, kürbistumor, mentioning of maudado, mentioning of zombey, self harm!, self hate, tiny bit of gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 10:56:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20007169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softdado/pseuds/softdado
Summary: In which Manu hates his scar, but Paluten still thinks he‘s the most beautiful human in his life.





	you‘re beautiful

Manuel had always hated his scar.

That big patch of darker flesh on the left side of his face which reminded him of a long forgotten battle. It was always there, would stay there, following him around everywhere he‘d go.

Like a reminder that he had failed, had fallen in battle. He remembered it clearly, that flaming ax that swung down onto his face, slicing open his whole left cheek, leaving him with nothing but that ugly scar.

He would hide it it beneath his pale white mask for nobody to see it, for nobody to ask about it, for nobody to touch it. It felt better like that, he thought.

No more weird stares. No more scared faces of little kids he tried to be nice to. No more whispers behind his back, one word always cutting out. "Scar".

Nobody questioned the mask on his face, Manuel telling them that it was to 'hide his identity'. They believe him and with time, even the scar vanished from the memories of the others, and Manuel hoped also from Patrick‘s.

But at the end of the day it was always the same. Manuel would come home to his empty house, the only sound being the loud footsteps coming from his basement, and take off his mask, the dark flesh on his face coming into view.

He would stare at his reflection in the mirror, empty green eyes fixated on the defaced skin. His hand would reach up instinctively, tears welling up in his eyes as he started to scratch it. He would scratch until it started to bleed, the thick hot liquid mixing with the tears that streamed down his cheeks. And maybe he would fall asleep on the floor of his bathroom, dried blood on his hands and thin wet trails left behind by tears on his cheek.

Only one thought in his mind—I hate it.

Months passed like that and at this point Manuel‘s scar was much bigger than before, light skin tracing the outlines of the dark, painted with fresh red scratches, making it bigger and bigger.

When he noticed how his scar had gotten bigger, he stopped his scratching, even if it was hard, but he didn’t want to look even more ugly.

Manuel never talked about it. Not to Maudado, not to Zombey and even not to Patrick. He kept his face, his scar, hidden by the others.

Even if he and Patrick had built up a somewhat romantic relationship, still new and fresh, he didn’t let the leader see his face. He knew that there was a chance that Patrick still remembered his scar and ignored it, he had fought alongside him that day, but Manuel wasn’t ready yet.

His brain created too many images he was afraid of, mostly seeing Patrick‘s disgusted face and him leaving Manuel.

Deep inside him, he knew that that wouldn’t happen, Patrick was too good-hearted for that, but the fear inside him was pulling the strings, leading him to hide his face from his lover.

It was one night when he was staring at the mirror, at his scar, again, touching the dark skin that was surrounded by lighter skin, the rough feeling beneath his fingers making him press his lips into a tight line. Images of the battle plopped up in his head again and he quickly closed his eyes, exhaling a shaky breath and leaning against the sink.

His mind started to work, started to think and maybe Manu should have stopped himself, but he didn’t, thoughts filling his head. They were the same thoughts he always had. He was too ugly, too ugly for Paluten. He didn’t deserve him.

He hated his scar.

Manuel didn’t even notice how tears had started to stream down his face, how he lifted his hand and placed it on his scar, starting to scratch hardly.

It didn’t take long until he had scratched enough to draw out blood and that was when his eyes shot open, realizing what he was doing.

Manuel stared at himself in the mirror, wide eyed. Blood was streaming down his face and mixed with his tears, his hand on his cheek shaking and his eyes wild.

He had done it again.

His hand slowly fell down to his side as tears welled up in his eyes again and Manuel did nothing but scream in frustration and cover his face, falling onto the cold bathroom floor.

Frustration, anger on himself, hatred on his scar. He let everything out, screaming and hammering against the white tiles of the floor, painting them a pretty red. Manuel didn’t even register what was happening around him and honestly he didn’t care, he had to let it out. Now.

In conclusion he didn’t hear the loud footsteps rushing in his direction and how the bathroom door swung open. He heard someone call his name, but didn’t react to it, still screaming and crying.

"Manu! Are you okay?! Manu! Manu, what happened?!"

Strong arms pulled him to a warm body, but Manuel fought against it, hammering against the other person. "NO! LET ME GO! LEAVE ME ALONE, I DON‘T WANT ANYBODY TO SEE ME!"

But the they didn’t react, holding down his arms and pulling him into a tight hug. Manuel still struggled to resist, but eventually gave up and stopped screaming, crying against the firm shoulder.

His face was stinging from the pain of his scratches and his eyes burnt from the many tears and the only thing Manuel wanted it to stop. Wanted it to go away.

When Manuel slowly calmed down and came back to his senses, he noticed the familiar warmth and smell surrounding him. The person holding him so tightly was Patrick. His lover. The person he feared to show his scar to the most.

Despite his weak state, Manuel tried to push the other away and succeeded, suppressing the thought that it felt cold outside his warm hug. He looked up and met Patrick‘s gaze, his usual bright brown eyes filled with nothing but worry, worry for him. His hair was a mess and he was wearing his pyjamas, concluding that he had probably been sleeping.

"Hey, Manu, you here with me buddy?"

The latter jumped at his voice as he was pulled out of his daze, immediately avoiding his gaze and hiding his face as best as he could, nodding slightly. He heard Patrick sigh in relief and then shuffling as he slowly lifted his arm and carefully touched Manuel‘s shoulder, like he was made of glass and could break any second.

"Let‘s get you out of here, I‘ll make you some hot chocolate and you can tell me what happened."

When Manuel looked up, Patrick was smiling softly at him, not one trace of disgust on his features. He knew that the other had seen his scar, but he didn’t say anything about it, no, he didn’t even mention it.

Manuel felt .. warm. That‘s the only way he could describe it. Even if he had been crying and screaming just a few minutes ago, he felt calm and warm when he looked Patrick‘s smile and listened to his soft words. Slowly, he nodded to his words and took the hand that was held in his direction.

Patrick stood up and softly pulled Manuel up with him, his gaze warm as he lead the other out of the bathroom and towards his kitchen.

Manuel stared at the broad back of the other as they walked down the hall, a little dazed and lulled in by the warmth that radiated from the other, but panic still vibrating inside his body. His scar was exposed, it felt like he was naked.

There was silence between them when they reached the kitchen, Patrick making the hot chocolate while Manuel fiddled with the hem of his black and blue jacket nervously. Manuel’s mind was spinning, any possible outcome of this situation forming inside his head.

His train of thought was only stopped when a mug of hot chocolate was placed in front of him, Patrick‘s soft "Here you go." dragging him back to reality when he realized he had to say something.

"Thanks ..." His voice was quiet and raspy from crying and screaming so much, so the hot chocolate felt even better as it run down his throat. Patrick had settled down across from him, his gaze locked onto Manuel. He didn’t say anything, waiting for until Manuel was ready to talk to him, not wanting to force him to anything.

Manuel continued to drink his hot chocolate in regular sips for a while, before he took a deep breath and set down the mug.

He struggled to form words, fear building up inside him as his breathing quickened, his eyes shaking, until he felt another pair of hands grabbing his trembling ones.

Manuel looked up at Patrick. He didn’t say anything, but reassuringly squeezed his hands and gave him a soft smile. The green eyed just nodded and took another deep breath, calming down and trying again.

"It‘s ... my scar."

There. It was out now and as anxious as Manuel felt, he also felt a whole mountain lifting from his heart. It was ... out. He couldn’t go back now.

He slowly lifted his hand and touched his scar, feeling the crusty wounds from scratching it. His hand was trembling again and tears welled up in his eyes, but not out of panic.

"I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hate it so much!" His voice got louder, until he yelled, becoming quiet again afterwards. Hot tears escaped his burning eyes and streamed down his cheeks as he placed his hand on his cheek, squeezing the flesh slightly. "I just want it to go away. It makes me look ugly and scary, I want it to go away. I hate it, I hate it, I-"

Manuel‘s ranting was cut off by Patrick who grabbed his hand and put it down, placing his own on his wet cheeks and wiping away the tears. Manuel had thought that the feeling of someone touching his scar would be bad, a nightmare, but Paluten‘s hand felt warm.

"Hey, Manu. Listen to me." The brunettes shaking green eyes focused on the person in front of him, wide and surprised.

"You‘re beautiful."

It was quiet. Manuel just stared at him, everything around him coming to a stop. Did he mishear him? He told himself that he misheard Patrick, knowing exactly what he heard, but not wanting to believe it.

"What? What did you-" "You‘re beautiful. You‘re beautiful, you‘te beautiful, you‘re beautiful."

Manuel couldn’t believe it. He had imagined many things, but this was none of them. Patrick was telling him he‘s beautiful, even repeating it. Manuel, with his dark and ugly scar.

Patrick seemed to notice the doubt in Manuel‘s face, starting to press soft kisses on his head.

"You‘re beautiful. Your long, brown hair."

He trailed down to his face, peppering faces onto his eyes which Manuel closed.

"You‘re beautiful green eyes."

Patrick pressed one longer kiss onto the top of his nose.

"Your cute pointy nose."

He reached his lips, trailing kisses around it.

"Your beautiful cherry red lips. And lastly ..."

Patrick leaned back a bit and removed his hand from Manuel’s left cheek, before he pressed feather light kisses onto his scar.

Manuel broke out of the daze he had been in, staring holes into the air with wide eyes, and jumped. A hot feeling spread through his whole body, coming from the places Patrick was kissing him.

He got teary eyes again that night as Palle pressed one last kiss into the middle of his scar and leaned back again, staring at the shivering boy in front of him.

Many things were visible in the leader‘s eyes. Reassurance, warmth, softness, bust mostly love. Pure love for the boy in front of him.

"I love you, Manu."

The tears broke out and Manuel let out a loud and ugly sob, but he was smiling. Smiling out of sheer happiness and joy. Patrick smiled softly, taking his hand in his and squeezing it.

"I love you so much and I think you‘re the most beautiful human in my life. Your scar won’t stop that, because it‘s just flesh. A part of you that I love just as much."

Manuel didn’t know what to do but crying, letting out a mix of sobs and laughter. There were too many feelings at once inside him, "I ...", he started, being stopped by another wave of tears. " I love you too. So so much."

Patrick‘s smile brightened and he leaned down, finally pressing his lips onto Manuel‘s softly who returned the kiss with the same softness.

With their hand interlocked and lips melting into each other, Manuel felt like everything was going to be better.

Maybe it would take some time until he would be able to accept his scar as a part of him, but with Patrick beside him, he was sure that he could do it.

Because to him, he was beautiful.

**Author's Note:**

> This was an idea that I got from @EinKruemelchen on her discord server lol  
> Thanks for that


End file.
